Bumps in the Road ( Things I Have Run Across)
Bumps In The Road is about people. It is about the people and places that have influenced the author's life. There are stories about his father and mother and how they shaped his life ('Sometimes when men work they tear up things.')
Read about 'How Sisters Can Hurt You' -- 'In a super human feat of physicality, my sister, 'The Killer' swung that sodden broom and struck me in the sweet puddin' head. Water sprinkled down from the sky for 30 minutes after that nefarious act of hatred. Seven pigs, 14 chickens, a milk cow, brownie the dog and one cat came and stood in the shower to cool off. 'The Killer' satisfied with her revenge, stalked off to the house and the game was over. I won't admit that she hurt me, but as the old Coon Hunters used to say about ineffective coon hounds, I didn't 'track right' for a few days after that. However, I still won the final game of that World Series 79 to 2 to 0.'
You'll read love stories like 'Charles and Rebecca.' 'Finally, I rose to leave. As we moved toward the door, he asked, 'Did I show you my Becky's picture?' I replied, 'Why no Charlie, you didn't.' He took it off the mantle and told me the story again about how they met. Then with a wistful smile and a far away look in his eyes, he said, 'When you are unhappy, the days go by slow, and you think the nights are never going to end. But when you're happy the years fly away. It seems like it was just yesterday when we got married.'
In 'A Sudden Summer Storm' you'll read, 'It got darker than the inside of a cow. Then the rain came. As I sat inside the camper trailer, the first sound of the rain was a frying, hissing sound as the drops fell through the leaves. Then as Old Man Thunder rolled and Lady Lightening swaggered, the rain became a torrent. The raindrops sounded as large as tennis balls. They beat upon the trailer with such intensity that I felt like I was trapped inside a snare drum played by a rock-n-roll musician. As the old timers used to say down home, the wind blew so hard that it rained sideways. The wind grabbed the trailer and shook it like a dog would shake a rag doll. The trailer danced around on its wheels as if doing an Irish Clog Dance. The wind laughed loudly as it rushed pell mell through the trees. The trees whipped back and forth, slashing the air in a thransonical symphony of motion. I was fearful that one would break and smash into the car or the trailer. I felt powerless and weak crouching inside that flimsy trailer. Then almost as suddenly as he came, Mr. Storm stomped off through the countryside seeking other humans to intimidate.'
There are also stories about skills no longer needed ('I am a poster child for obsolescence'); Pearl Harbor ('Forgiveness is a wonderful thing.'); daughters who wreck cars; students who get a second chance (Trisha).
Read about the way people make concessions to health and life ('I like fake food'); 'A friend of mine observed recently that we spend our first forty years trying to kill ourselves and the last forty years trying to stay alive.
The truth is, a typical breakfast for us consists of fruit, low fat milk, oat cereal and perhaps toast and jelly. On the occasion that caused me to think of this article, BW and I were eating our fake eggs, fake bacon, fake biscuits, fake butter, drinking our fake milk and drinking real orange juice. The irony is we have actually convinced ourselves that that breakfast tasted as good as the real thing. Sigh.'
You will read more stories about his hometown that sounds like a place you would want to live: The Busy Bee Restaurant where the love patrol courted the starry-eyed girl, the library where Hazel Yardley and his mother nurtured the love of reading, Mrs. Davis' store that was across the street from the school and the old artesian well that could make the town a tourist Mecca if only the town fathers would wake up.
You'll read about 'The Rose Bush' ('Mom had an old fashioned rose bush in the side yard.'); stories about Dead Horse Creek and Grandma's House; Battling a groundhog over the garden in 'Groundhog 1, Gardener 0;' 'Pap Sherrard's Remedy for Boils;' Kenny and the bees; 'Nelly Bell the Jeep;' why you should never teach your daughters how to drive an old truck; and the many other experiences that weld families together. This collection of stories will take you to a time and place that you will enjoy visiting and you may not want to leave. Enjoy
Life in the Past Lane
Life is a joy. If you find that all too easy to forget at times, then I am here to remind you. This book of stories uses a combination of wisdom and wit to bring life's many miracles to life. In my life of service and learning, I have observed many things to share with readers.
Americans have faced and embraced the new millennium. They dash frenetically toward the horizon seeking happiness.
For generations, Americans have felt insulated from war and terrorism. After September 11, 2001, many search for order in a chaotic world, seeking anchors to hold the ship of life in a safe harbor.
This book provides a safe harbor where readers can escape the storms in the sea of life. The stories will take readers to a time and place where they want to linger and they may not want to leave. I don't recommend that people live in the past. It is a wonderful place to visit but not a good place to live.
Stories remind us of where we are from and how we got to where we are today. They remind us of yesteryear, they speak of today and they point the way to tomorrow.
THERE'S A BOOGER IN THERE AND OTHER LITTLE AUDREY STORIES
Search the universe and find these ingredients -- A dazzling smile, brilliant gleaming blue eyes, curly shimmering blonde hair, boundless energy, an inquisitive mind, a singer extraordinaire, -- mix them and you have Audrey our only grandchild.
Enjoy reading about our Preemie and her struggle to live in “Audrey Flies Kosair”; my warnings of “Payback Time”; celebrate “Toofies”; roll your eyes in “You think You Have it Bad Why Back in My Day”; the current practice of “Baby Proofing” the house. Recall how it feels to hold a two-year old in “A Buffalo Wallowed On Me”; how Audrey travels “The Road to Ft. Necessity” and becomes “The Sporadic Piddler.” Share my amazement in “Three-Year Old girls Are Fragile.”
You Might Be A Geezer
There is an article in the AARP (American Association of Retired People) Constitution that states "Thou shalt not writeth about Geezers or maketh sporteth of them unless thou are one thyself." [King James Version] This is a book about Geezers written from the perspective of a Geezer.
I used to laught at Geezers now I am one so I laugh with them. Geezers are hard to define. They come in all sizes and shapes and surprisingly all ages.
Geezer usually refers to an old man but in this book it may not be. A Geezer is an older person who dresses funny, acts zany, laughs at unusual things and thinks heavy metal is a large tractor or bulldozer. Their medicine and doctor bills are higher than mortgage payments.
Geezers use phrases like "that used to be and now it is" and "before it was, it was". They meet at the barbershop to gasconade and gripe about the government. They are out of the mainstream and that is okay. They remember the stress of the work world. When I think of Geezers I think of Burt, Al, Floyd and Charlie who ued to hang around Mayberry and drive Barney Fife crazy.
Read and learn to love Geezers. There is a tsunami of Baby Boomers just beginning to crash onto the beach at AARPville/Geezerville. You may be one some day. So pull up an easy chair, get a glass of iced tea with lemon and sit a spell with me as I take a humorous look at those of us who are older than the posted speed limit.
Dr. Larry’s Patented Home Remedy
If birthdays don't thrill you as much as they once did, read the story "Birthdays Are Good For You." "You may find a sympathetic soul in the story , "I Thought I Would Be Smarter By Now," and if you have some problem finding things, "Have You Seen My glasses?" may speak to you.
Do you struggle with technology? I do. Read about my struggle with my doctor's automated telephone attendant in "A Goat Ropin' Didn't Prepare Me For This." Chuckle with me as you read about my great athletic prowess in defeating a sixth grade girl in basketball in "An Old Dude Beat Me." So you hate your job, read "I Hate My Job Day" about testing thermometers and your job may not seem so bad.
We have almost quit going to movies because they don't make good movies like they used to. You may enjoy reading, "Tired Movie Cliches." The safety devices required to raise children now amaze me, and it made me wonder, "How Did We Ever Survive?" Sit with me around "The Kitchen Table" and reminisce. If your heart has been broken by the loss of loved ones, read "Together On The Hill Again" and remember.
Of course there are stories about our granddaughters: "Her Grace At The Dance," "Three year Old Girls Are Fragile," "Audrey Hates Bugs," "I Am Not A Seat Cover Specialist," "Tess Doesn't Know About Calendars," "Tess Has Two Toofies" and "I Like Toe Cake."
Share my pain about getting a little long in the tooth and read, "I Hate Words Ending In ER" and ride down memory lane as you read, "Thoughts While Sitting On The Porch At The Calvertville Store." If you believe the youth of today are all bad, read and reflect on, "Joey Remembered."Take a daily dose of Dr. Larry's Patented Home Remedy and you will find that it is good for what ails you. I Guarantee it.
Format: Perfect Bound Softcover
Print Type: B/W